Church hurt is a conversation that needs to be had. I’ve been wanting to discuss this topic for quite a long time now. I’ve even considered writing a book about it. However, I’ve been waiting on God’s divine timing is perfect. I felt that it was necessary for Him to personally work on me and cleanse my spirit of any animosity, hurt, or bitterness that I had harbored towards individuals who identify as part of the church community or hold positions of leadership within it. The catalyst for this blog was a conversation I had with my husband’s cousin, during which she shared a series of distressing experiences. One particular issue she discussed was the harassment and judgment faced by individuals within the church who were unable or unwilling to contribute specific amounts of money as requested by the pastor. Additionally, she recounted a disheartening incident involving the visit of a severely ill family member to her church, where they were met with inhospitable treatment. Sadly, not long after that visit, the family member passed away.
So, first let’s define what church hurt is – Church hurt refers to the emotional, psychological, or spiritual pain experienced by individuals as a result of their interactions or involvement with a religious institution or its members. It encompasses the negative experiences, conflicts, or mistreatment that can occur within the context of a church community. A person who has experienced church hurt has been deeply wounded. Numerous individuals have departed from churches with a bad taste in their mouths, a sense of disappointment, feeling drained, fatigued, and disheartened. It’s important to note that not all churches and pastors are bad. All of them are not wolves in sheep clothing. There are indeed exceptional churches and leaders who exemplify genuine care, compassion, and integrity within their communities.
The purpose of the Church is to provide a loving environment where individuals can be spiritually nourished, strengthened, worship God, fellowship with like-minded believers, receive discipleship and teaching. No church is perfect, and I do realize that the Church is like a hospital. It is for the spiritual sick and sinners. Y’shua said that He didn’t come to bring the righteous to repentance, but sinners.
There are individuals in positions of leadership who engage in manipulative practices and witchcraft. Some are just downright wicked, evil and mean. It may be surprising, but many of these people are wolves disguised in sheep clothing and are witches and warlocks. Some are in positions of church leadership unfortunately engage in exploitative behavior, seeking money, personal gain and advancing their hidden agendas. I have witnessed this unfortunate reality far too often. However, it is important to note again that not all church leaders operate in this manner. Many recognize and appreciate the unique gifts, talents, and abilities of individuals, and genuinely seek to support and encourage them to share their blessings with others. Regrettably, numerous churches operate as mere businesses solely focused on making money, with fake pastors and leaders who could care less about the well-being of God’s people and their souls. This is the harsh truth. On the flip side, there are pastors and leaders who also face their fair share of hurt and emotional turmoil. Having been involved in ministry for over 20 years, I have personally witnessed and experienced both sides.
I often find myself growing weary when I witness a lack of love within certain church environments, accompanied by pastors who appear to be more focused on soliciting money. May God help us and have mercy on us! It is disheartening to see a lack of altar calls at some churches and a diminished focus on the experience of salvation. Furthermore, there are occasions where individuals enter the church burdened and leave without experiencing any relief. However, it is crucial to note that these issues are not prevalent in every church. There are individuals that are on fire for the LORD and are deeply committed to spreading the message of salvation through CHRIST and committed to winning souls for CHRIST. God is pleased with your efforts, and it brings Him great pleasure!
Where is reverence for a holy and righteous God within His house of prayer?
Matthew 21:13 – And He said to them, “It is written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer,’ but you have made it a ‘den of thieves
You may come across pastors and church leaders who emphasize the need for a covering and urge you not to neglect gathering with fellow believers. I want to emphasize that if you are unable to find a reliable covering, Y’shua (Jesus) will be your ultimate source of protection. He has served as my true covering. Furthermore, during the early church period, there were no formal churches; instead, believers gathered in house meetings. I have found that there are certainly drawbacks for individuals who are not actively engaged in a church community. Being disconnected from a church setting can result in a loss of community, fellowship, and support. It is unfortunate that there exists a deficit and lack of fellowship in some instances, which can leave individuals feeling isolated or unsupported.
I have encountered several negative experiences that I could share, and I’m sure others have as well. However, amidst those experiences, I have also come across a few loving and Christ-centered churches. I tell you the truth, Jesus should ultimately be the focal point of our attention and devotion, rather than relying solely on fallible human beings who, inevitably always disappoint us. I am unequivocally certain that if I hadn’t anchored myself in Y’shua, relying on His Word as my foundation, I have no doubt that I would have abandoned the faith, especially considering my background in the Muslim faith and not seeing much representation of Jesus. The thought of this is frightening. I must say that I have found no greater love, no greater peace or joy! Therefore, make sure that your focus, hope, and trust are firmly placed in Jesus and not in any human being. People will inevitably let us down. Additionally, it is crucial to become a diligent student of His Word and not simply rely on anyone else’s words, including mine. Let Jesus be your rock and foundation. As the hymn goes, ‘On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.’
Sadly, many individuals have left the church in large numbers, and this trend continues.
I had a profound dream where my husband and I found ourselves inside a Church, but to my surprise, the usher swiftly guided us out of our seats and replaced us with others as we were left standing with nowhere to sit. This dream left a lasting impression on me. I perceived this dream to mean that our ministry extends beyond merely occupying pews in a church. Instead, we are called to venture out onto the highways and byways, actively reaching out to people, compelling them not only to enter the house of the Lord but also to extend love, assistance, and encouragement to them. Each person’s journey and ministry will be different. Therefore, I have learned not to pass judgment upon others based on what God has given them to do.
Luke 14:23 – Then the master said to the servant, ‘Go out into the highways and hedges, and compel them to come in, that my house may be filled.y
Church hurt can manifest in various ways, such as:
- Betrayal: Feeling betrayed by leaders or fellow members, often due to broken trust, gossip, or undisclosed information.
- Judgment and condemnation: Experiencing harsh criticism, condemnation, or a lack of acceptance for one’s beliefs, actions, or personal circumstances.
- Spiritual abuse: Encountering manipulation, control, or misuse of power within the church, which can lead to feelings of guilt, fear, or confusion.
- Hypocrisy: Witnessing a significant gap between what is preached or taught and the actual behavior or actions of church leaders or members.
- Exclusion or rejection: Feeling marginalized, excluded, or rejected by the community based on factors such as race, gender, sexual orientation, or personal beliefs.
- Legalism: Being subjected to strict and rigid interpretations of religious doctrine, which can lead to feelings of burden, guilt, or a loss of personal freedom.
- Inadequate pastoral care: Not receiving appropriate support, guidance, or care from church leaders or members during times of personal crisis or need.
It’s important to note that church hurt can vary in intensity and impact from person to person. It can have long-lasting effects on an individual’s relationship with organized religion, spirituality, or faith in general. Recognizing and addressing church hurt is crucial for healing and finding a supportive community that fosters growth, love and understanding.
Those who have been entrusted with leadership by God and have intentionally caused hurt and harm to His people, especially the new believers, will face severe consequences. You have blood on your hands, and you need to sincerely repent with godly sorrow for the harm you have caused.
I encourage you to devote yourself to prayer and fasting, seeking the Lord’s guidance to lead and direct you to the specific Church where He desires you to be. By earnestly seeking His will, you can find the congregation that aligns with His purpose for your life.